KEEPING YOUR MARRIAGE ALIVE
It is with a very heavy heart that I write this post. In fact, I am sure I will becrying throughout the entire thing…..
My husband and I have decided to part ways after almost 23 years together. I was 16 when I met my husband, and now very close to being 40, I will no longer be married. I have to tell you that this is the hardest thing I have ever experienced.
This is something I NEVER thought would happen to me. No matter what – we would stay together for the kids and work it out. I NEVER wanted to be divorced. Where did it all go wrong? I can not pinpoint an exact date, month or year. I think we just slowly fell apart and before we knew it, we stopped trying and now we are too far gone.
Why am I writing this post? I want to be honest with the people that read my posts (I am no Paula Deen. LOL). I do not want to portray myself as someone I no longer am at this point. I started a journey of working out and getting fit 1 1/2 years ago. I thought I was doing that because I would soon be turning 40 and it was time to think about me. That was a huge part of it and I will continue along that journey and feel great about all the progress I have made. However, I think a little bit of it might have been me trying to get my husband’s attention. I was too late…. 😦
I can think of a ton of stuff that we could have done to counteract what happened, but you don’t know at the time that all the little things add up to one big thing – The big “D”.
I am no expert, but here are some things I THINK we should have done differently along the way…………
1. Once you have kids, as a mom, your life changes and those children become your focus. Unfortunately, your hubby tends to get left in the dust. Husbands need and crave attention. That for me may have been the beginning of the end which is so sad. I know that it is very difficult to do, but you have to make time for each other and appreciate each other. Believe me, I know. You think one minute away from them is too many, especially if you work. You have to make time for your spouse. Being happy puts you in a better mood and your kids will appreciate and feel it, even if they do not know the reason.
2. RESPECT. In my opinion, in any decision you make, you should have in the back of your mind – “what would my spouse think?” This one is as simple as that.
3. Communication. You have to talk to each other about everything. Bottled up feelings just build up within you until you blow up on each other and then when you finally decide to talk about it (or yell about it), you are sooo mad, it is a screaming match and you never deal with the issues. You just want to “win” the fight.
4. Never stop complimenting each other. I feel like when this faded away (even though I didn’t know it at the time), we both lost a little something.
Whatever stage you are in in your marriage, please think about the above.
I will continue to write about getting and being fit, healthy recipes, a little bit of gluten free and of course, my kiddos, but I may be posting about my new journey as well.